Daughter's Guilt

I read a book recently that explained why some mothers use guilt to control their daughters. My mother is a pro. This morning, a nurse at the hospital where Mother had her operation, called to ask my help deciding which rehab facility my mother would like. I sighed and said that I made no decisions for Mother. She insists on making her own. The nurse thought I lived in the same town, but I'm five hours away. When I called Mother, I gave her ideas on which rehab place she might like, but she turned everything around. By the time she hung up on me (once again) she had instilled a great deal of guilt into my head. I have nothing to be guilty for! I've attempted many times since Dad's illness to help my mother, but each time she refuses what help I can give. So, why is she insisting that I "prove my love" for her because she used to call her mother and clean her mother's house? I need to take a deep breath, do only what I can, and leave the rest up to whatever power is in control of Mother's psyche--I know that she's not! Please, Lord. Remind me that guilt should never be used to control another person. Let me learn from this while dealing with my own daughter.