We just returned from a two day stay in Winter Park with Mother. She looks great! She's lost lots of weight and is eating better than before. She actually smiled a few times and laughed often. I felt surprized and happy for her. Perhaps living without Daddy and on her own and having to do for herself has been good for her. The trip down was difficult for us. Joel's been ill and so have I. I doubt that we will be making the trip again any time soon. She seems to be doing fine. Actually, in a way, it was a good thing that we hadn't run to her every time she made me feel guilty. I think this time will be the last for a good while. At least three months or more, depending of course on any unknown eventuality like another heart attack or something.
While there we saw Daddy in the VA Home. He laughed a lot and held onto my hand for a good ten minutes. He's not speaking or walking. He had not shaved and his pants and shirt were filthy. He still refuses to wear his false teeth, so he and mother make faces at each other and laugh a lot when they visit. I think it's a way of Dad showing his anger that she placed him there. I don't blame him, but as I tried to explain to him. Neither I nor Mother nor Michael can care adequately for him. I cannot let go of the resentment against Mom either. She had other choices, but now I think it is too late. Regardless of what Mom says they tell her, Dad does appear to understand some of what is going on around him. He did recognize me and he knew that Joel was someone important. We shared a few jokes together. He still has his sense of humor. He cannot carry on a conversation. The words don't come out right, but I think he does try to piece sentences together. I told him I loved him, as I always do and he said "I love you too." Always a whisper and difficult to say. His dementia was caused by too many untreated strokes. Mom made an appointment with a neurologist for next week. She insistes Dad can be cured. Wishful thinking. Perhaps he could have improved more earlier with the correct treatment, but Mother insisted...Oh well, I need to let that go.
She mentioned that her doctor told her that she will have to move in with me when Dad dies. Huh...If she can't take care of herself, she'll have to go into a home. I cannot care for her. I'm handicapped myself. Besides, we'd end up hating each other for real!
